Fish Leung 梁静茹 － 小手拉大手

This song has been on loop mode since a few days ago, cause I'll be singing it tomorrow at my friend's wedding!

Oh stressss! *Running Man fans, think Kang Gary saying it!*

Worried I'll forget the lyrics, worried I'll go off pitch.. Bleargh.. And although I really like Fish Leung 梁静茹's voice and songs, her vocal bridge is different from mine (if that's how you phrase it!), so I tend to have slight difficulty singing her songs.

But anyway, this is a really sweet song, hope June will like it tomorrow! And congratulations Jason and June! =)

Love this article (pasted below) from Today's Christian Women! I really do believe in a couple working as a team and not each trying to get the upper hand while quarreling. And that takes humility, teachability and willingness to communicate, to keep on working on the teamwork. And it's not a once off thing, it's to keep on working on it for a lifetime.

I also believe in this verse for a couple - Phil 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

**********

A Team of Two

4 steps toward building a vibrant marriage partnership

By Renée S. Sanford 

 

I slowed down in front of the green house with the "For Sale" sign freshly planted in its front yard. During the last six weeks, my husband, David, and I had looked at dozens of houses to find a new home. None seemed suitable for our family of five. This particular house looked a bit small for our needs, but I grabbed a flyer to take home to David.

To this day David gives me credit for "finding" our home. We never would have purchased the house, however, without David's quick action. He was on the phone when I got home, so I simply handed him the flyer. He read it quickly, finished his conversation, and immediately called our real estate agent. Given our city's red-hot real-estate market, David wanted to make sure we were the first to bid on the house. Sure enough, it turned out to be just right for us—bigger and better than anything we'd seen so far.

Working together as a team, we bought our first home. But every day in that same house, David and I continue to develop our teamwork in all areas of our marriage. Through the years we've learned being a team extends past a project, platitude, or goal. Our teamwork is tailored to our unique relationship—and keeps changing as the years go by.

What Kind of Team Are You?

God calls a man and woman to live together in marriage as one flesh, so teamwork seems a natural by-product. But what does it mean to be a team?
For couples who share similar tastes, gifts, goals, and desires, teamwork can be as smooth as pair's figure skating. However, some couples find their partnership works more like a track-and-field team. They're on the same team, but their lives are individual events. Sometimes a couple's marriage resembles an auto race. The driver is the star of the show, but he or she never would win any races without the crew chief moving quickly at every pit stop.

Think about your interests and personalities. What kind of team best represents your relationship right now? Is it the best fit? What would you like your marriage team to look like?
Remember, your marriage doesn't need to imitate anyone else's. For instance, on a practical level, I assumed David and I would form the same kind of team my parents enjoyed. My mom and dad bonded over the household projects they tackled together every Saturday. Similarly, our friends Paul and Wendy collected river rock, arranged native plants around their hand-built waterfall, and together converted their backyard into a nature retreat.

In contrast, my husband tackles garden projects only when necessary. I've accepted that basic yard work will get done at our house—but it won't be a bonding experience. However, we still can be a team even if we aren't working on a project together.

Develop Your Teamwork Style

David and I came into marriage knowing we're fairly compatible. Besides our writing and teaching gifts, we both enjoy children and like to travel. But similarities alone don't produce partnerships.
What does? A strong commitment to each other's personal growth and a deep commitment to oneness before God. Here are some strategies we've used to help us function happily together.

1. Dream together. A recent national radio spot suggested couples take one hour on their anniversary each year to dream together. According to this marriage expert, even one hour increases marital longevity and happiness. Dreaming together deepens the spirit of partnership. Wherever the winds may blow you, you remember you're on the same ship.

Be willing to encourage and follow each other's dreams. Who knows where your spouse's next idea could take you! It's taken us to the Amazon and Andes on a seven-week missions trip, as well as to Africa and Austria to visit beloved friends. Most recently, dreaming together led us to adopt our six-year-old daughter, Anna.

Dreaming together means dreaming for each other, too. You and your husband may have individual goals—pursuing a certain hobby, learning a new skill, visiting a college friend far away. That's when you strengthen your track-and-field team style—helping each other train and cheering each other on.

Thought stimulator: What's one thing you could do to move toward a mutual goal? How could you encourage your husband's dreams? What do you need from him to pursue your dreams? Which items on your spouse's wish list are most threatening to you? Out of love for the other person, which may you need to lay aside?

2. Agree in advance on any sacrifices. While Paul and Wendy have a beautiful backyard, the past ten years haven't been a bed of roses for them! Together they decided Paul would go back to school to earn his doctorate in psychology. But to prevent resentment along the way, they each outlined what sacrifices they would and wouldn't make to realize Paul's goal.

Life's full of choices. Will you take that other job? Will you work nights? How many sports or clubs will your children be involved in? And will you use that tax refund for new furniture or a vacation? Choices impact both partners. Being a team means making those choices with your partner and with your mutual goals and desires in mind. Likewise, when you say "yes" to one thing, you say "no" to at least ten others. Being a team means choosing the sacrifices together, too.
Thought stimulator: What are you willing to sacrifice to reach mutual goals? What sacrifices are unacceptable? Are these sacrifices pleasing to God?

3. Divide and conquer. Just because you have similar gifts and callings doesn't mean teamwork flows naturally. When we first married, David said "yes" to teaching seminars or classes "together." That translated into him coming up with all the ideas and giving me an outline of what I should say. I balked because it felt artificial.

What's more, David didn't appreciate my "you should have said" critiques of his presentations. We've had to learn to work together on mutual goals while still maintaining autonomy. Now David and I can teach a class together, but that doesn't mean our teamwork on other fronts—home, parenting, finances—always runs smoothly. Even with frequent meetings to compare calendars, we can be at odds about what gets done around the house and how we'll spend our time.

Sure, many couples divide and conquer when it comes to the daily "to do" of home and family. Just remember, the how-to of making this work is fluid, not fixed. Work out your systems—and then communicate often, clearly, and kindly. Not every solution fits for every season or situation. And don't rule out asking for help.

Amanda holds most of the cooking and cleaning responsibilities in her and Brian's home, but Brian's usually happy to help when she asks. She says, "Sometimes I start grumbling about why he never does anything—but it's because I don't ask! I forget I have a cooperative teammate."
Thought stimulator: Which tasks or goals do you prefer to work on by yourself? Which ones would you like to pursue together? How could you divide that responsibility to give each person "authority" in specific areas, while still accomplishing a mutual goal, whether physical, spiritual, or otherwise?

4. Nurture your team spirit. So what happens when "divide" means you feel stuck with all the work? What about when "conquer" doesn't happen because you're overwhelmed by other life stresses? That's when the "spirit" of being a team transcends the "work" in teamwork.

Sometimes, all I need is a reminder we're teammates, not opponents. Ultimately, we both want the same thing: to love God, to love each other, to love our children, to grow as people, to live in peace. Other times, when I feel my "team spirit" waning, I commit to praying earnestly for David. Asking God to help my husband realigns my heart with his—and blesses us both.

Thought stimulator: What circumstances challenge your team spirit the most? What concrete action can you take to nurture your commitment and cooperation? In prayer, ask God to give you a spirit of oneness in your marriage.

The green house has been ours now for ten years. With a home business and our active chidren, it's time for us to start looking for a new place to live. We already agree on what we want in a house, but our teamwork was challenged when I frequently brought up the need for a move and David fervently resisted it. He felt pushed, and I felt my needs were ignored. Thankfully, coming back to each other in humility restored our team spirit.

Occasional squabbles aside, my husband, David, and I build our marriage partnership as we heed God's calling: to look to the interests of others, to consider another as better than ourself, and to lay down our life for our very best, lifelong friend—our mate.

3rd Happy Call Dish - Bacon and Eggs!

Trying out the new blogger app (which I'm typing with right now on my iphone5) and also to share my 3rd happy call dish - bacon and scrambled eggs!

The app I used to make the collage is called instacollage, quite a good app I must say! Many different kind of split frames apart from the usual vertical and horizontal ones, plus a wide selection of borders and icons you can add on too. Thinking if I wanna upgrade to the pro.. Hmm..

Anyway..

Pros of blogger app:
- Convenient to blog on the go using smart phone

Cons of the blogger app:
- Can't insert photos in between paragraphs, all of them only appear at the end
- Unable to add caption for photos

Alright, just a short post here and yay to perhaps renewing my motivation to blog more often!

Bacon and Scrambled Eggs, cooked using happy call pan!

InstaCollage (free app)

First times.. By Your Side (Hillsong) ; Closer (Bethel)

My first ever home made video of me singing and playing the guitar! It's tough doing both at the same time, I had to retake many times cause there would either be problems with the playing or the singing. Plus I realised after the first recording, that I had a very strong frown between my brows whenever I start singing, so in between singing and strumming, I would try to lift up my brows (like literally) and smile, if I remember about it. =P

Did "By Your Side" by Hillsong, cause this was what I learnt at Believer Music this week. Am into my 15th guitar lesson with them (the 1st lesson of Advance Dynamics Worship I module), and thankfully I picked up guitar before, around 8 or 9 years ago, but stopped after about half a year, so I'm able to catch on quite easily now. This shall be like my progress chart on my guitar skills!

So here it is! In my fave key as it's the only 1 of 2 keys I know how to play currently!

"By Your Side" by Hillsong / Key of G


And then I did another video, cause I really really love this song, "Closer" by Bethel Church. Heard Steffany Frizzell Gretzinger leading the song during the church's worship (on youtube) and I was just brought into God's holy presence.

My version doesn't do the song justice for sure, but well, I've learnt that God doesn't use the smartest, most skillful person to do His work, instead He uses the foolish and the weak to bring Him glory, because "His strength is made perfect in our weakness". He doesn't appear only when the most beautiful voice sings the most melodious song, when the most formidable musician plays the most intricate riffs. Instead He appears when someone seeks Him, cries for Him, comes before Him just as they are, vulnerable and broken.

In any case, I just hope and pray that both the songs will bless all of you!


"Closer" by Bethel Church / Key of G (capo 4)

Appearing in New Ch 8 Show - Dec 2012!

Woohoo! Got a meatier role directly from Mediacorp and will be appearing in the first 4 episodes, totaling about 10 scenes, of a Channel 8 blockbuster drama in december this year. After part timing with them for 1 year + and did a few shows with mainly a few liners in 1 or 2 scenes, I now finally have a character name as compared to "waitress", "factory worker" and the likes, and I have the full scripts of the 4 episodes printed out for me too! (otherwise they just scan the pages with my few pathetic lines and email me)

Envelope with the scripts. Blurred out the show's title as it's not been released yet.

 
The whole series has 6 different stories being depicted, and the first story will span over 4 episodes. Even though my character is an aunty with an 8 yr old son, which I'm like "oh no, I can't look young and pretty!" , there's quite a few 内心戏 (emotional scenes), which I definitely want to be able to do it well and touch the audiences.

This first story will start the ball rolling for the blockbuster, although my character is of course not the protagonist nor any major supporting role in the series, but she is not just a 'calefare' too and is instrumental in this first story. So I sure hope to be able to contribute to the success!

I was told that they have been looking to fill this role for some time but found no suitable actress. Then one of the casting director recommended me, and showed the executive producer the footage of my performance in 'In Cold Blood' (which was filmed by an external production company - Filmat), and thank God she liked it! Thus I was cast.

I only watched my episode in 'In Cold Blood' briefly as I still haven't gotten used to seeing myself on screen and always cringe when I do. Looks like I have to start examining my performance inside to see what was good and what can be improved on.

Filming starts soon! Pray for smooth schedules, filming on set, harmonious relationships amongst everyone and most importantly, that I will portray my character excellently to the director's expectations and more!

What A Difference It Can Make..

I kinda dig my latest image which I just changed about a month ago. Less wild, more business and finally more property-agent-like. And most delightfully, younger looking too! I was inspired after wearing short hair wigs for some shows..

Mediacorp.
Double for Xuan Xuan (who is one of my all time favourite
hongkong actress!)

Assembly School Show.
Supposed to be a grandmother, and according to my friends
on facebook, a chio granny!

It did take me quite a looooooong time before I decided to take the plunge to chop off my locks. Afterall, it took me years to grow my hair to waist length!

March 2011.
Ahh, found one which shows my entire crowning glory. Not the longest I had, but somewhat there. I'm missing my natural curls already..

Hah, what a sharp "kali-pok"!

Love the hair! Or rather, the curly and lustrous wig
extension..

Anyway, I bought a group deal voucher for a cut and treatment at a salon in Nex. V-haytique or something like that, and it was quite bad. My already dry and damaged hair became more rough and frizzy! Did I spend money to make my hair worse?

Not immediately after the bad haircut (and lousy treatment),
and you probably can't tell from this picture (cause that day
I put lots of lotion to keep it tame, which is why I let it down,
otherwise I usually tied it up cause it was a lion's mane) but
my hair never recovered. =(

Enough of the lion(ness)' mane! I was totally fed up with my unruly hair, and after thinking for months, it was time to take the leap of faith.

Immediately after the cut and rebonding @ Ashley's Salon.
Tel 68353769. Soho @ central #05-12

No more unmanageable locks, no more wild chick look (Seriously, I am not the havoc kind. More about that in another entry. Hmm, when I have time and motivation to blog bah..). And welcome Ms Businesswoman! Not that my calling is to be one, but that's besides the point.

I got to know that I also had the honor, at one of my buddy's wedding, to receive the "hottest sister" award by one of the groom's brother. I definitely thank my new hairstyle for that! Mind you, there were 11 very beautiful sisters in total, and well, also that's the opinion of just 1 of 11 brothers too lah. :)

By the way, I must say the hair looks great even when I forget to comb =P

And here's wishing everyone a Happy Lunar New Year!! Hope the angpows you collect will be more than the angpows you give out (praying hard for myself!)!

Cozycot 10th Year Birthday Bash!

To learn more, please visit http://www.cozycot.com/birthdaybash2011 !

Debut Demo - Original Song

Where would I be without you?

I wouldn't have been this strong and independent.
I wouldn't have opened my eyes and heart to the less fortunate and been humbled.
I wouldn't have served the underprivileged children/youths and realized how fortunate I am.
I wouldn't have been blessed and to be able to be a blessing to others.
I wouldn't have been loved and in turn overflow with love.
I wouldn't have a teachable spirit and reflected and learnt with an open heart and mind.
I wouldn't have been taught many good values in life so I can be a better person.
I wouldn't have the courage and abilities to pursue my dream of becoming a performer.
I wouldn't have fulfilled my dream of recording a song and I know in due time, an album.

I wouldn't be who I am today without You.

You who picked me up when I was down.
You who gave me strength when I was weak.
You who comforted me when my tears couldn't stop.
You who provided so I never lacked.
You who taught me how to believe, how to hope, how to love.
You who loved me for who I am, with all my strengths, weaknesses, sillyness, quirks, character flaws.
You who always accepted and welcomed me back with open arms despite my disobedience.
You who brought me this far in my career, in my relationships, in my life.
You who gave all of yourself, your dignity, your blood, so I have everything and have eternal life.
You who are more than I can ever fathom and imagine.
You who are my all in all.
You who are my God, my Saviour, my Lord, my beloved and precious Jesus and Heavenly Father.


如果没有你

Written and Sung by Shannon Zann (苏仪珍)
Piano by Gaylin Tan

给你我的生命 是最棒的决定
从死去到复活 从软弱到坚强
你医治我破碎的灵

有了你的带领 认识你的旨意
从骄傲到谦虚 从自大到感激
你一直在陶冶我心

如果没有你就不会有我
如果没有你的爱我还是会寂寞
若不是你 从来不曾想过放开我的手
我会在哪里还是会委屈

如果没有你我就不会在这里
如果没有你的宝血我就看不到奇迹
若不是你天天眷顾着我牵着我的手
我才会在这里 拥有你给的一切美丽
(因你我在这里 能够分享我所有经历)

颂赞你的美好 是我一生梦想
从空虚到充实 从贫穷到富有
你给我未来和盼望

有你给我的爱 是我最大能耐
从悲伤到欢喜 从孤独到温馨
你是我最爱的天父

我叛逆的时候你依然在我身边
我忘了你的时候你永远记得你的誓言

View/listen demo on Youtube or click below.




《如果没有你》 will be part of a woman's ministry compilation album produced by Oops Asia Singapore, where all the songs will be originals written and sung by women, and is scheduled to be released around mid 2012.

This is the first time I wrote a complete song, and the first time I stepped into a recording studio to record a full song. I was really excited to be able to express myself in words and melody, to put it into permanence onto a mp3 track, to share God's goodness with others, and ultimately to fulfill and embark on my dream of singing for God.

I was also quite nervous while doing the recording cause there were so many things to take note - facing the mic while glimpsing at the lyrics from the corner of my eyes, taking deep enough breaths but not to breathe too heavily, trying to sing with emotions while remembering all of those things.

I would say I definitely want to change certain ways I sung certain parts of the song, in terms of variations, emotions, techniques, and perhaps even edit the lyrics. But as this is a demo recording, we didn't re-record every single thing that was not up to my satisfaction. Plus somehow I didn't hear the playback thoroughly, thus the vocals are not recorded to perfection, so please pardon the flat note and what nots.

From the writing of the song to it being accepted to recording the demo, and to proper recording and post production in future, all these would not have been possible without God's anointing and grace upon me. It was my childhood dream to be a singer, but it was unimaginable to be able to fulfill it. I don't pack a powerful voice and flawless techniques at this point, but what I have, I give back unto our Lord. In my weakness, God's strength is made perfect, so I pray that in spite of my imperfections, you will be touched and be ministered to by my debut demo.

Key Quotes from Steve Jobs

www.apple.com

Below are some quotes I found and read which resonated with me in one way or the other, and my top 10 fave quotes are right at the bottom of this entry.

Sieved from straitstimes.com and www.macstories.net

“You know, I’ve got a plan that could rescue Apple. I can’t say any more than that it’s the perfect product and the perfect strategy for Apple. But nobody there will listen to me.”

'Innovation comes from people meeting up in the hallways or calling each other at 10.30 at night with a new idea, or because they realised something that shoots holes in how we've been thinking about a problem. It's ad hoc meetings of six people called by someone who thinks he has figured out the coolest new thing ever and who wants to know what other people think of his idea.'

'These technologies can make life easier, can let us touch people we might not otherwise. You may have a child with a birth defect and be able to get in touch with other parents and support groups, get medical information, the latest experimental drugs. These things can profoundly influence life.
I'm not downplaying that. But it's a disservice to constantly put things in this radical new light - that it's going to change everything. Things don't have to change the world to be important.'

“Innovation has nothing to do with how many R&D dollars you have. When Apple came up with the Mac, IBM was spending at least 100 times more on R&D. It’s not about money. It’s about the people you have, how you’re led, and how much you get it.”

“Insanely Great!”

“It’s rare that you see an artist in his 30s or 40s able to really contribute something amazing.”

“I feel like somebody just punched me in the stomach and knocked all my wind out. I’m only 30 years old and I want to have a chance to continue creating things. I know I’ve got at least one more great computer in me. And Apple is not going to give me a chance to do that.”

“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.”

“The cure for Apple is not cost-cutting. The cure for Apple is to innovate its way out of its current predicament.”

'One more thing ...'

'I don't think I've ever worked so hard on something, but working on Macintosh was the neatest experience of my life.

“Sometimes when you innovate, you make mistakes. It is best to admit them quickly, and get on with improving your other innovations.”

“We’ve gone through the operating system and looked at everything and asked how can we simplify this and make it more powerful at the same time.”

“Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren’t used to an environment where excellence is expected.”

“I want to put a ding in the universe.”

“The only problem with Microsoft is they just have no taste. They have absolutely no taste. And I don’t mean that in a small way, I mean that in a big way, in the sense that they don’t think of original ideas, and they don’t bring much culture into their products.”

“We made the buttons on the screen look so good you’ll want to lick them.”

“You can’t just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they’ll want something new.”

“A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets.”

“Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower.”

“Recruiting is hard. It’s just finding the needles in the haystack. You can’t know enough in a one-hour interview. So, in the end, it’s ultimately based on your gut. How do I feel about this person? What are they like when they’re challenged? I ask everybody that: ‘Why are you here?’ The answers themselves are not what you’re looking for. It’s the meta-data.”

“We’ve had one of these before, when the dot-com bubble burst. What I told our company was that we were just going to invest our way through the downturn, that we weren’t going to lay off people, that we’d taken a tremendous amount of effort to get them into Apple in the first place – the last thing we were going to do is lay them off.”

“I mean, some people say, ‘Oh, God, if [Jobs] got run over by a bus, Apple would be in trouble.’ And, you know, I think it wouldn’t be a party, but there are really capable people at Apple. My job is to make the whole executive team good enough to be successors, so that’s what I try to do.”

“It’s not about pop culture, and it’s not about fooling people, and it’s not about convincing people that they want something they don’t. We figure out what we want. And I think we’re pretty good at having the right discipline to think through whether a lot of other people are going to want it, too. That’s what we get paid to do. We just want to make great products.”

“So when a good idea comes, you know, part of my job is to move it around, just see what different people think, get people talking about it, argue with people about it, get ideas moving among that group of 100 people, get different people together to explore different aspects of it quietly, and, you know – just explore things.”

“When I hire somebody really senior, competence is the ante. They have to be really smart. But the real issue for me is, Are they going to fall in love with Apple? Because if they fall in love with Apple, everything else will take care of itself. They’ll want to do what’s best for Apple, not what’s best for them, what’s best for Steve, or anybody else.”

“Our DNA is as a consumer company – for that individual customer who’s voting thumbs up or thumbs down. That’s who we think about. And we think that our job is to take responsibility for the complete user experience. And if it’s not up to par, it’s our fault, plain and simply.”

“That happens more than you think, because this is not just engineering and science. There is art, too. Sometimes when you’re in the middle of one of these crises, you’re not sure you’re going to make it to the other end. But we’ve always made it, and so we have a certain degree of confidence, although sometimes you wonder. I think the key thing is that we’re not all terrified at the same time. I mean, we do put our heart and soul into these things.”

“I’m the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year…. It’s very character-building.”

“I’m as proud of what we don’t do as I am of what we do.”

“Quality is more important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles.”

A photo of Apple's founder Steve Jobs stands on a computer at Apple's flagship store on New York's 5th Avenue, October 5, 2011. -- PHOTO: AFP

My Top 10 Faves:

#10
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.”
 
"And it comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don't get on the wrong track or try to do too much. We're always thinking about new markets we could enter, but it's only by saying no that you can concentrate on the things that are really important."

#9
“Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me.”

“I was worth over $1,000,000 when I was 23, and over $10,000,000 when I was 24, and over $100,000,000 when I was 25, and it wasn’t that important because I never did it for the money.”

#8
“I’m convinced that about half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.”

#7
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

#6
“My job is to not be easy on people. My job is to make them better.”

#5
"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it."

#4
'Death is the destination we all share, and that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.'

#3
'Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.'

#2
“We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief, and then you die, you know? And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So it better be damn good. It better be worth it.”

#1
'Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.'

Steve Job's Stanford Commencement Address, 2005

I'm a big apple fan, or a worm, as a friend calls it. A happy worm. Thank you and your team, Steve, for the brilliant innovations, and I believe your successors will aim to continue the legacy you have left behind. Meanwhile, here's saying..

A apple with the word 'bye' carved into it sits outside an Apple store after it was left by a man commemorating the life of Apple Inc's founder and former chief executive Steve Jobs, October 5, 2011 in Pasadena, California. -- PHOTO: AFP

Goodbye Mr Apple. Goodbye Mr Steve Job. RIP.

Getting Attached? Married? Pregnant?

Are you wanting to get attached? Get married? Parent a baby?

To learn more, please visit http://lovefest2011.cozycot.com! Or simply click on the picture below!
 

The Road Less Traveled - Global Hotel Alliance

Just read an article introducing this Global Hotel Alliance company. It aims to create an alternative traveling experience for tourists, and brings them to - almost literally - the road less traveled.

Thought I might want to try it out next time, so just wanna blog this for my personal reference. Do click on the photo to check it out if you are keen too! =)

Scolded For Trying To Be Good =(

I got "scolded" for trying to be a good person.

A few evenings ago, the train was packed as usual, and a lady around her 20s entered through the door. She had a baby strapped to her small body, a big sling bag on one shoulder and a big recyclable bag on the other hand.

I stood holding the metal pole at the corner-pls-give-up-to-those-in-need-seat, and she was about 2 steps away from me, facing the door.

After glancing at the passengers on the seats, they either had their eyes closed or looking down, definitely don't look like they would notice the woman and her baby. And so I decided to tap on the healthy looking guy nearest to me (who was also sitting at the corner-pls-give-up-to-those-in-need-seat), who I think was in his late 30s or so, to ask him to give up his seat.

*Tap tap tap*. My fingers gently touched his hand 3 times.

No response.

*Tap tap tap* again.

No response.

Errrrr, sleep until so soundly ah? But as I bent lower, I thought I saw his eyes flickered a bit leh.

Just then, the lady sitting beside our leading man knew what i was thinking of and offered her seat (actually, it wasn't as straightforward, but nevermind, she's just the supporting character here). So we got our lady with baby to maneuver amongst the human obstacles and my luggage on the floor, to her seat successfully.

Naturally, I thanked this kind soul who was willing to sacrifice, and then I half rolled my eyes to our gentleman who was still motionless in his seat, his eyes still looking down, or closed - I don't know which.

End of story? I thought so.

10 seconds later, the man suddenly dug his wallet from his back pocket, took a card out from his wallet, and shoved the card in my face. I had to lean my head slightly back to focus my eyes on what he was trying to show me.

"Handicapped Welfare Society". These were the only words I managed to see before he retracted the card.

I smiled slightly and nodded my head to him, acknowledging that I understood what he was trying to tell me. It wasn't that he didn't want to give up his seat, he himself was also handicapped. Ah, I felt a slight tinge of guilt in my heart.

How could I be so judgmental? It is not in my purview to judge another person, because I am not perfect myself. As what is written in the Bible, 'He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her' (John 8:7). I used to pretend to sleep just so that I wouldn't see anyone whom I need to give up my seat to, until I heeded the government's call to be more socially conscious and responsible.


While processing my own behaviour and thoughts, I then wondered how exactly he is handicapped as he looked perfectly fine to me. I thought maybe he was deaf or mute, since we had only been communicating through actions. But... If he was deaf or mute, he still wouldn't need the seat as much as someone else who had physical constrains, right?

Suddenly, he stood up. I got a shock, although I didn't show it of course. I swear he could read my mind. But I was more bewildered at what he said.

"Do you want me to give up my seat to you?" His eyes looked intently down at mine, his voice soft but harsh.

Huh? "Noo, I just wanted to..."

"Do you know I am handicapped?" He interrupted. "I am amputated from my knee down. I am the most rightful person to sit in this seat." His right index finger pointed forcefully to the now empty seat.

I decided it was my turn to cut him, "yes you showed me your card. I wouldn't know before that, thank you for showing me your card, but..."

"I can give up my seat to you, do you want? You can sit." He was getting a tad more agitated now, and he obviously wasn't listening to me at all.

Hey, although I am half a head shorter and definitely skinnier than you, doesn't mean I'll be scared of you. I had been very polite in trying to explain to you. Good thing I am generally a calm person and I value harmony over ego/face.

Unfortunately I never completed my explanation, cause he plonked himself back down, with his eyes cast on the white train floor once again.

The lady with the baby, sitting beside him, looked up at me, and I at her. I caught her 'oh dear' look, and I just smiled to her and half shook my head, half rolled my eyes, signaling to her that "it's ok, don't bother, he's weird".

And then there was peace. Or so I thought.

30 seconds later, while our train was travelling in the tunnel, the man stood up and left his seat. He was somewhere behind me, I couldn't see him and I thought he was getting ready to alight. I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I just told myself I'm being too sensitive.

The train reached the next station and stopped. The passenger who was leaning against the glass panel  in front of me alighted. Our protagonist reappeared, took the place of the passenger, and leaned against the glass panel in front of me. What I was really appalled at, was that he actually 'diao' me! For the foreigners who might be reading this and have no idea what 'diao' means, it's 'giving the dirty look'.

Almost instinctively, I looked behind me to see if there was space, I so didn't want to stand in front of this man and be subjected to further abuse. And when I turned back, a woman perhaps in her 40s, looked at me and pointed to the space beside her, indicating to me to go over. I promptly lifted my luggage and migrated there. Before she alighted a few stops later, she patted me on my hand and said, "be careful ah, you take care of yourself".

I was thankful for her assurance, that she dismissed my self-doubt, wondering if I did anything wrong by trying to get a seat for the lady with her baby.

I must say I had indeed been too quick to judge the man when he didn't respond to give up his seat. If he had never revealed his physical condition, I would have kept on thinking he was another selfish person who valued his own comfort more than others' who were in greater need. 

How many times have we been in similar situations? The grumpy cashier aunty at NTUC might have quarreled with her son or daughter in the morning over finances. The rude teenage boy who bumped into you and did not say sorry might have just flunked his exam and is preparing to face the music back home.

And how many times have we also been like that? We were so tired, deep in our own thoughts, thinking about what had happened to us earlier, that we did not notice any elderly or pregnant lady entering the train. We were so occupied with talking with our friend, that we walked like turtles and blocked the traffic.

But of course, these should not be excuses for being rude or socially irresponsible either. If all of us take it upon ourselves to care for others, our society will always grow to be more gracious. So as much as possible, let's be more aware of what's happening around us, and to put others before ourselves.

'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others' (Phil 2:3-4)

Having said that, I also realised the man is facing more than just physical issues. It seemed to me that he was self-absorbed, hurt and insecure, because of his condition. I don't blame him, but it's not healthy either and it could bring more harm to himself and to the people around him.

To this gentleman:
I'm sorry for dismissing you without knowing all the facts, and I appreciate that you informed me why you chose not to give up your seat. I think it's perfectly fine and legitimate and I respect your decision. Afterall, I also think that you deserve the seat more than the person next to you! However, I believe you have misunderstood my intention, I didn't want your seat, I wanted the lady who was carrying a baby and 2 bags to have a seat. And I definitely did not appreciate the harsh way you talked to me and did not listen to my explanation. Please don't take things personally, otherwise there will be more miscommunications and misunderstandings. I just pray that there will always be joy and peace in your heart.

HOAX: BBC Flashnews of Radiation leak in Singapore

People.. If you've received the sms/email/tweet/fb status that talks about the radiation leak confirmed by BBC Flashnews:

Hoax SMS

Do NOT believe it nor forward it! It's totally a hoax that will only spread unnecessary panic in the country.

For credible reports on latest updates as well as why the sms contents are false, visit Channelnewsasia's report and also the Department of Science and Technology in Philippines.


Meanwhile, I received a link to help Japan by sending Socks For Japan. It's coordinated by Jason Kelly, an American author of 8 books, including The Neatest Little Guide to Stock Market Investing, a BusinessWeek best seller now in its 2010 edition, and who has lived in Japan since 2002.

Some guidelines:

1. Send only new socks.
2. Group similar socks in one package. (Male / Female / Sizes)
3. List package contents on the package.
4. Enclose a short care letter. Victims of the 1995 Hanshin quake in Kobe said that care letters were among the most uplifting items they received. If you enclose a care letter, provide a copy of it for each pair of socks you send.
5. Write your email address on the package. Jason will send you a note once they receive your package.

Ship to: Jason Kelly, Plaza Kei 101, Wakamatsu-cho 615-6, Sano, Tochigi 327-0846 Japan. Or bing it down to our office by Mar 20 and I'll have yours shipped too.

WHY SOCKS? 
Several reasons. Many of the victims ended up barefoot after fleeing in a hurry. In the disaster zone, feet get wet and then extra cold at night. People often forget about socks in favor of more obvious items like blankets and jackets. Receiving a new, fresh pair of socks provides a moment of comfort. If those socks arrive with a caring note as well, it’s very heartening for victims. If you’ve ever been stuck in a pair of wet, cold socks or no socks at all, perhaps you remember how soothing it felt to pull on a warm, dry pair.

Socks For Japan

Another way for you to do your part!

Before and After Pictures of Japan's Quake/Tsunami

I only had time today to read up on the news about Japan's earthquake which happened on friday, 11.03.11. So while googling, I found these clear before and after pictures of Japan's quake/tsunami, from Australia's ABC news. You can also check their comprehensive coverage if you would like to keep track of Japan's quake and tsunami. Of course, there are the youtube videos and other national papers reporting on the quake as well.

It's really devastating to see casualties, be it due to natural disaster or man-made calamities. Within 3 months of 2011 alone, there are already 2 major quakes - Christchurch and Japan.

What we can do now, as fellow human beings safe in our own comfort zones, are really not that limited.

If you have the skills and expertise, you can give direct assistance by joining in the relief effort teams at the front-lines.

Otherwise, you can support by donating to established organisations (you never know, there are people who 趁火打劫 and try to make a fortune by faking donation appeals). Here is one avenue which I donated to: Groupon - all proceeds will be given to Singapore Red Cross Society.

If your finances are really limited and you are unable to donate, you can volunteer your time to pack some relief bags (don't think there are any organisations coordinating such events as of now, but I believe there will be when the aftermath settles and the survivors start to rebuild their lives), physically join in some fund-raising event to show your support, or even just say a word of prayer.

Every little thing counts.

Most of all, I've always believed in this: treasure your loved ones around you and show them how much you care. For all you know, they or you might be gone in the next minute.

Do not live with regrets, for the things you wished you had not done, and for the things you wished you had done.

God be with Japan.

From a Chinese Sendai Tsunami Survivor

I saw this post from facebook, forwarded by friends.

I think the original post is from Dreamsinapie.tumble.com

 

***

 

Translated message from a Chinese Sendai tsunami survivor

(I’m translating a Chinese message from this link: http://ww1.sinaimg.cn/large/6c8010d1jw6df5rjhq5v1j.jpg
Please excuse my translation skills. I know I’m not 100% accurate so feel free to correct me if necessary. But the point gets across pretty clearly.)

This is a mail from my friend
She asked me to post for her
She is in Sendai, Japan
Rescued early morning today
After being trapped for 8 hours
I hope you can finish reading
Hope you are a good person
Respect others
Even if you want to insult
Please don’t leave traces here

——————————

Aren’t we all comrades?
Just because you are in China
Just because you don’t have family or friends in Japan
You can say words like let Japan sink?
The Chinese people in Japan aren’t people?

What is hate
Who can tell me what hate is
When you’re standing on a roof surrounded by sea water
When in that water, is your home
When in that water, are your friends and family
Do you still know what hate is?

He kills you, so you must kill him
Then I think patriots with this kind of ideals
Can go to Japan for school or work
Then choose a rush hour
Take a knife, and kill whoever you see
I promise you can kill 100 people
I promise you can kill all types of people
I promise you can become the headline news
I promise you can fulfill your heroic dream

But you have to know
That in those 100 people

Maybe 10 were innocent children
Maybe 10 were house wives on their way home with groceries
Maybe 10 were workers working hard to provide for their families
Maybe 10 were elders
Maybe 10 were youngsters hanging out
Maybe 10 were part-timers delivering take-out
Maybe 10 were people waiting for a bus
Maybe 10 were passerbys
Maybe 10 were those who don’t know why you killed them
Maybe 10 were Chinese

Even if there really is someone you want to kill
I advice you
Choose carefully before you act

I don’t know how the Nan Jin massacre looked like
I hate those Japanese soldiers
I hate that they killed our people
But today
I felt like I saw a massacre
Standing on the roof
If you want to see
Look carefully
Sendai is you patriots’ heaven
Corpses are right there
There are some torn limbs
There are whole bodies
If you have good eyes
You can see the small hands of young children
If you focus
You can even see some corpses hugging together

Do you have any sympathy
Do you know that before Mother Nature
We humans are one family

My boyfriend works at a company by the coast
Till now we haven’t been able to contact each other
I know, we can’t see each other ever again
Who told you that only the Japanese died in this tragedy
Who told you that this tragedy is karma
Yes
It’s karma
The man kind’s karma is here

Right now I want to live
I want to live well
Right here in Japan
I want to live well
I’m afraid that if I died
Many people will blame Japan

There were over 80 people stuck in the building
In those eight hours
It’s true that they treated me like a Chinese
I have anemia so I felt like I couldn’t go on
A house wife with a baby beside me
Gave me some milk powder
The 20 year old girl sitting beside me helped me find water
Just like this
I’m still here
Perhaps it wasn’t the milk powder that saved
But their spirits saved me

Among the 80 people there were only two cellphones that worked
Everyone let the Chinese call home first
I was the second who got to call
Everyone lined up to call home
Till the end, some Japanese friends didn’t get through to their families
They understood there was no need
They gave up

After around 4 hours
Some girls were hugging and sobbing
Some were crying to themselves
Some were lying on the ground looking up at the sky
Some were still trying to call for help

I sat by the wall
Looked at the Japanese house wife beside me
She kept talking to her baby
Soothing the child to sleep and breast feeding
I miss mom
I want to go home

There were too many things I can’t forgot in those 8 hours
I’ve never been through so much pain in my life
Thanks to God
I was saved

What else do I want to say
I know I have so much more to tell everyone
But I’m so tired
Tired from crying
After the corpses are found
I might have to go identify them

Mom
Can I not go?
I don’t want to go
I’m so scared
I’ll see so many dead bodies
I don’t want to go anywhere

I hope this mail will get sent
Please help me publish
Maybe a lot of people will scold us
But
I hope you will know a bit more

I’m tired
Too scared to sleep
There are still small quakes
I have nowhere to hide
Mom
Are you watching?
I’m alive
Please don’t worry
Sleep for a while

——————————

Before Mother Nature
Do we still have racial differences?

Temasek Poly Short Film - Reunion

In Nov 2010, James, a TP student invited me to act for their final year project (FYP) short film. I had acted for one of his classmate, Kang Ling's, short film in May, and he was one of the team member. I'm really glad they liked what I did and thus decided to cast me for their FYP. Thanks guys! =)

The Crew and Some Cast

Unfortunately, there were a few other groups from the same course who emailed me too and wanted me to act for them, however their lecturer had made known that repeat of actors/actresses was highly discouraged. So I could only hone my acting skills in 1 film for the school.

The protagonist is a materialistic woman who despised her husband and had an open affair. Very different from me I would say, but still a manageable role, cause I always have this secret wish to be evil. Haha.. Maybe that's why sometimes people get the impression that I'm bitchy, hard to get along with and stuff like that, especially when I stare with my big eyes or give the aloof expression.

Anyway, I had agreed to act for James and gang before I received the script. When I got the script, to my horror, there was a bed scene. I had never acted in any intimate scene nor anything close to it, and now even in my personal life, when my ex and I go to each other's houses, we wouldn't be lying on the same bed together. So that was a really huge challenge for me to deal with.

Thankfully, James the director was nice and said he will try to make it more conservative. So my co-actor and myself didn't have to be super duper intimate, just need to portray our relationship as lovers, and having a conversation in bed.

My "lover" whom I had the "bed scene" with.

That also led me into re-thinking what my limits are when it comes to my involvement in this industry? My clear cut NO-NO right from the start are no frontal nudity, no bikini and lingerie shoots. When I was in my late teens, early twenties, and particularly when I returned from USA in 2004, I was relatively liberal in my dressing. I really didn't think it was any big deal baring skin. I mean, Singapore's weather is so hot, and its quite common here, and even more revealing in the states that I'm considered mild. Plus I'm conservative in my values, what matters most is our heart on the inside right?

Well, Ezekiel 36:26-27 says

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws." 

After I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour, and after I made a decision to commit myself to Him (in late 2004), I started to learn of God's Word, His character, and to have a relationship with Him. I was slowly changed from the inside out, I also realised that it's not just about what I think/feel/do, but how my actions/words impacted others. In the case of dressing and skin, it has a very practical effect - men are wired to be visual creatures, and very often they get aroused by what they see, or sometimes.. what they do Not get to see.

1 Corinthians 10:31 - " Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God"

Therefore, over the years, I have to deliberately cover up more, higher necklines, no bare mid-riff. I don't want to stumble others, especially my brothers in Christ.

However, it's such a tall order! It's not just about dressing, it's really to do with our behaviour, words, thoughts, beliefs and values. I have to admit that I do fail from time to time, and sometimes without realising it. 

A recent case would be my previous photoshoot which were a little controversial amongst my friends. Basically the views are either "oooh, nice" or "wahh, very ahem", and a friend said he had his hands over his eyes while looking at the photos and were peering in between his fingers (I'm sure that's not what actually happened, but the idea is there).

All of those brought up the limit issue again. A presenting question to myself will be "what image do I want to portray to others?". A question that goes deeper is "how rooted are my values in Christ?"

My Sister told me before that she found me to be a very principled person, but in this case, my flesh and Spirit are in so much conflict that I want to choose to not think about it. But I guess I have to eventually lah, because it will pop up again sooner or later.

Anyways, back to the short film, I had uploaded the photos I took onto my facebook, but here they are again for those who are not on my FB.

My "husband" on the left and "lover" on the right

The entire cast

My "daughter" - so cute right??
Aiyoh, this angle emphasizes my eye bags/dark circles. Yes, I don't photoshop my photos, not yet anyway.. That's why you see my scars even in my profile photos, don't want clients to get a shock when they see me in person you know..

She's really super adorable, totally totally love her!

My "family"

Happy family with silly faces 1  =)

Happy family with silly faces 2  =)

A Peek into My Room

Gosh, I'm shifting house, or more accurately, I'm shifting room, in close to 3 weeks time!

It's quite a nightmare just thinking how to pack all my stuff in ONE room, that I marvel how people pack and move the entire house.

I shifted out of my parents' house in April 2010, and am staying with 2 other friends in a rented flat. Whenever someone asks me why I moved out, my reply would always be the same, "家家有本难念的经啊". I guess I've always been very independent too, staying in hall during university days, working in USA as a summer camp counselor for 3 months, traveling alone most times for another month after. Thus staying on my own now isn't a difficult thing.

Well, this time, I'm moving to stay with my grandparents and aunt. They very kindly offered to house me when my current lease is up, until I get married. Not sure how long that will be, but I relish at the thought of having home cooked food. All these years of eating oily and MSG-filled food, or having to content with my mediocre cooking skills, do make me fully appreciate hot meals cooked with love. And of course, nothing beats being together with family.

Perhaps because I have been so independent and took care of myself for so long, I yearn to be taken care of. But I absolutely refuse to simply find a man, get married and set up a family, just to achieve that. We  must have similar values and vision in God, we must be able to communicate, he must have the fear of God and integrity, I must be able to submit to him, and probably a never-ending list of "criteria" =X

Anyway, I digress.. I'm looking forward to moving! Although it's a headache planning where to place which furniture..

Here's some pics of my current room, as promised long ago.. =)

Looks really neat right? Didn't last long lah.. Haha..

Lelong Lelong! My Loss is Your Gain

It's the year end season where everyone is buying stuff, why not help a 'needy' person today and buy brand new and almost new items at a discount?

Well, that person is me because I'm moving soon, need space and need funds, so please help me to clear my stuff!

Currently there's apparels, cosmetics, electronics and even musical instrument. Simply click on the Lelong! tab at the top.

I will try to take pictures and update the lelong section periodically, so do check back! Or just email 7venseasons@ gmail.com to be put on mailing list so you can be updated automatically when new stuff are added.

Thank you! =)

Blogged @ shannonzann.com

Portfolio - New Glam Photos Up!

So glad I agreed to a photoshoot by Ronnie from JRshotz! Decided that it's high time to update my portfolio pictures since the last proper photoshoot I did was in Nov 2009, with Nicholas, a long time dear friend of mine.

These are some of my favourite photos!

There is this saying: "世上没有丑女人，只有懒女人”，"there's no ugly woman, only lazy woman". I totally agree with it with both my hands and legs up.

Without any makeup and stuff, I am not the naturally pretty (in society's terms) type, although I think I look presentable. But with the help of makeup, hairdo and outfit, I can be literally transformed. And I would say this goes for the majority of the women out there too, since only a small percentage of people in this world are born with really good looks.

Anyway, it's kinda weird looking at myself in photos like these. They're me, but not really me too. I love to doll up and look pretty when I have the opportunity to, but inside, I am actually kinda simple and conservative in certain aspects of values. I had been wanting to blog about "3 (or 5) myths of Shannon", but have been pushing it down the to-do list, and this would definitely make it to the top 3!

In any case, I love these photos =)

blogged @ http://shannonzann.com

"Three Questions to Ask Your Partner"

"They'll open doors for better communication and a stronger relationship

By Karen O'Connor


Margie and Bill faced each other in two living room chairs. Four couples observed as this husband and wife demonstrated a process they share with each other every Saturday morning.

This particular evening was part of a six-week lesson and discussion with our church home fellowship group on building intimacy in marriage.

I glanced at the three-by-five card in my hand. Bill had passed out one to each person. "This is a personal exercise," he announced. "Each partner is responsible for his or her part." The headline read: "Three Questions to Ask Each Other Every Week."

1. Is there anything that I need to apologize for? (i.e. Did I do anything that hurt you?)
2. Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?
3. How can I be a better spouse?

I noticed my heart rate increase. There might be more here than I bargained for. Sure, I was open to a few tips. Charles and I had just celebrated 26 years of marriage and we could always use a refresher. Even so, a feeling of dread came over me. My husband and I were not the best at communicating about our own relationship. We were much better at evaluating other people's marriages!

I squirmed in my seat as I listened to Margie question Bill and then Bill ask the same of Margie. They were so honest. Not that I expected them to lie. Of course not. But could we do the same? 

To Ask or Not to Ask 

On the way home I asked Charles what he thought of the evening. "I don't think we need this process," he said. "We're talkers. We pretty much cover everything on a day-to-day basis."

I nodded, relieved not to wade in any deeper than we were already. And yet, I wanted to try—to see what would come up. My husband has a quick temper and I have a tendency to back off when things get hot so I couldn't predict how these questions would work for us.

And so we let it go, week after week after week. Then one day on a drive to the city, I suggested we test the process. We were in a good place emotionally and it seemed we could "practice" without the risk of a meltdown. He agreed. I started. "Is there anything that I need to apologize for?" I asked.

Charles paused. "I get frustrated by our lack of understanding each other, but it's not usually anything specific you've done." 

Whew! I got by easy on that one.

Next question. "Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?" I sensed the answer before it came.

"I'd like more sexual intimacy. I know it's not like it used to be between us (before his prostate cancer), but I'd like to at least be playful with each other."

"That would be nice, but I'm scared," I replied. "I'm older now and I'm not as interested as I was. I like cuddling in bed and a massage is nice, but …"

"Okay, we can start there."

Relief. We'd gotten past the first two questions and we were still talking. Yeah!

"How can I be a better spouse?" I asked.

"I don't know. You work hard. You're good to me. I'm happy."

Nice to hear—all of it—even the part that had scared me. Now I worried that I might not be able to answer Charles' questions as easily as he answered mine. 

My Turn in the Hot Seat 

He started with question number one and I was quick to respond that his temper is an ongoing challenge and I need him to apologize when he takes out his anger with others on me. "I want us to talk about that habit and make some changes."

Question number two raised the hair on my arms. "Is there anything you need from me that you're not getting?"

I had a ready answer. "I need simple kindness," I said in a quiet voice. "I'm grateful for all your help, the gardening, ironing, painting, financial management, and your support of my writing but I long for a kind attitude, bits of grace when I'm stressed or worried."

His eyes opened wider. I knew I had picked at a scab. Our viewpoint on kindness differs. He seems to see it as practical acts of help. I view it as an understanding disposition and words of comfort.

And finally, the last question about how to be a better spouse. I told Charles he is a good mate, a willing partner in so many ways that matter, and aside from what I'd said before I didn't have anything to add. 

Love—and Then Some 

We hugged each other, said, "I love you," and agreed that even though the questions prickle, they also release pent-up anxiety about each other that festers if it's not expressed.

Have we repeated this process every week since? No. But we do talk more often now about the "state of our union" and we ask these and other questions that cover the same terrain. We're moving closer together. In fact, just this morning, I was able to ask Charles for mercy when he spouted his impatience over something trite. He apologized. I accepted it and then he left for a meeting. I don't know how it will be when he returns. But however it is, we'll have a conversation about that.

A marriage partnership, at least for us, is not 24/7 harmony. It's about telling and living in the truth of the moment. The three questions included here can help. They've helped us. But don't stop there. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to the questions and answers that work for you. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5, NIV). I can't imagine better advice than that.

Karen O'Connor is a freelance writer and writing mentor from Watsonville, California. Visit Karen at www.karenoconnor.com. "

*** 

I enjoy reading such articles on relationships/marriage, because having had only 2 boy-girl relationships before, I have limited personal experiences in trying out what it takes to make such r/s work. 
Thus reading about others' experiences allows me to learn from them, know that I'm not alone in facing certain situations, expand my views and mindset regarding marriage and 2 people living their lives together, and ultimately start preparing myself for my own matrimony in future. 

This article is from Kyria.com, under the Marriage & Family segment.  

They have other topics as well, such as prayer, missions, woman's ministry, church leadership, parenting, finances etc. 
Although they are christian-based, the tips and values are very relevant and useful to non-christians as well. 
Do subscribe to their weekly newsletter for more articles which might benefit you!